EPIC FAIL

The Giants have given up 40 points for the 5th time this season in today's game against the Vikings in what is one of the most astonishingly shameful performances in franchise history.

I didn't expect the Giants, with their season already over, to win or play particularly inspired football today. But for a team I thought had some mental toughness and some pride, this is a total "poop" show.

Bill Sheridan is gone, and a lot of these defensive players need to go as well. Last I checked the Giants had missed 18 tackles in today's game, and that was late in the third quarter when I turned the game off because it was causing me to projectile vomit.

Of all the teams I root for, the Giants are the last I'd expect to turn in a performance like this. But that's just the kind of awful year it's been. At least I have the Mets to look forward to - sigh.

Decisions, decisions

In case you haven't noticed, we've been a little skimpy with the posts lately. The four of us have been a little swamped lately, for different reasons, and that has made posting more difficult. After much thought, we are going to do our best to continue the site. We're going to do our best and see what happens. If we find we can't post often enough or devote enough attention, we'll shut it down. But for now, there are too many potential rippees out there.

- Tony G. Dagger

In Case You Live In A Cave

This just in from the Associated Press: athletes don't have to pass the same academic requirements to be admitted into college as regular students.

Read the story. I'm not kidding, that's basically what it says.

Sure, sure there's a lot of good research done by the writer and it goes a little more in depth, but is there really anything in that 2,000-word-or-so report that even the most casual sports fan didn't know? I mean, did anyone think the criteria to get into school was tougher for freaks of nature who can run 4.4 40s, do reverse windmills or hit tape-measure home runs?

These loosely-termed scholar athletes make their schools millions and millions of dollars. Thus, when evaluating that 4.4 speed versus a 1.7 GPA, what do you think usually wins out?

The report was worth reading, however, just for the particular details on the University of Texas, whose football team will face another beacon of knowledge, Alabama, for the national championship Jan. 7. Texas was one of seven division I football schools to say it doesn't have any "special admissions programs." That's obviously just a technicality, though, since its freshmen football players averaged a 945 on their SATs from 2003-2005, a whopping 320 points below the average freshman longhorn.

The other six schools refusing to admit that they lower their standards to raise their athletic programs were Air Force (interesting), Connecticut and Kansas St. (shockers), Purdue, Virginia and Tennessee, which apparently only admits potential or prior felons to play football.

Another highlight was the fact that the study found that athletes at California, a highly-regarded institution of higher learning, were 43 times as likely to receive special admissions treatment. Anyone who's ever seen the school's former standout running back Marshawn Lynch give an interview, however, would instantly be able to tell the guy wasn't exactly being asked to tutor fellow classmates in physics lab.

This doesn't just happen with the big sports (where it makes financial sense) either. I once heard an announcer during a Final Four field hockey game (don't ask) comment that a star player had gotten a 1200 on her SAT and that she had even turned down going to Harvard. I found it funny since I thought you needed a 1300 to even be a janitor there.

But alas, that's the system that exists today in college sports. People who aren't qualified get into schools and then get passed through the system in order to stay eligible.

If you didn't realize that long ago, though, you're just as dumb.

What a Shock

Wow - Brett Favre is making a mess again. I'm stunned.

We've learned over the last few days that Favre has been in a little tiff with Brad Childress primarily over the control each has over the offense. Former teammate Leroy Butler called Favre a diva today as if that's some kind of breaking news.

It amazes me that Favre continues to get away with this stuff. He's become insufferable over the last few years between the fake retirements, throwing the Jets under the bus before this season and now this. He acts like he's Michael Jordan, and while I admit he's a great player and an obvious hall-of-famer, he's not on the Jordan level.

I'm sure people like Mr. Buckner will tell me how crazy I am, that Favre is the man. I'm sorry, but to me he's become a whiny jerk. Don't look now, but Minnesota, who many people thought was the best team in football a few weeks ago, has looked very average in recent weeks.

As Favre continues to be a distraction and his level of play declines late in the season as it has in recent years, I'll be looking forward to watching him ride out of the playoffs and into the sunset.

Until he un-retires again.

Mets: When beggars are losers

There will be plenty more thoughts to add about the pathetic, lowly and inept Mets as this farce of an offseason continues to unfold for them. Personally, I anxiously await the day they bag the pursuit of Jason Bay and Matt Holliday because the ungrateful louts seek more than four years, then lock up Angel Pagan to a five-year extension after a strong six weeks to start the season. That would be (will be?) classic Jeff Wilpon/Omar Minaya.

People say the rich get richer when it comes to the Yankees. Well, the dumb grow dumber in Flushing. According to this wonderfully executed column by Mike Vaccaro in the Post, salespeople have called prospective season-ticket holders and questioned their loyalty as fans because they are hesitant about re-upping plans.

Wait, WHAAAATTT?

I "question" watching a new Chris O'Donnell movie or stuffing my face in dog poop because, well, these things stink. So do the Mets. The pathetic, inept Mets — the team that ranks third across baseball in earning power yet turns the hat upside down every winter like a beggar.

Why should I fork over my hard-earned cash to an owner who has made the following significant financial additions to his payroll since the team launched its own network (SNY) and moved into a brand-spanking-new stadium (Citi Field):

2006: Billy Wagner (but traded for Carlos Delgado and Paul LoDuca, good)

2007: Moises Alou

2008: Johan Santana, Luis Castillo

2009: Frankie Rodriguez (traded for J.J. Putz — again, good)

2010: Henry Blanco, Chris Coste, Ryota Igarashi, R.A. Dickey — the last one's not official yet, so cross your fingers

So does this club deserve your money? No, no, one-thousand times no. Just your eternal disdain.

Look at the major transactions. The Mets signed two closers out of necessity and each received around $10 million a year — fine, but hardly bottom-line busters for a club with its own network. So they have really made one major signing in five offseasons (Santana) and nothing else out of the ordinary.

Think about that. Now think about the next time you hear them talk about "playing aggressively in the market," and do me a favor: DO NOT BELIEVE THEM.

The Mets lie. Their owners are frauds who should sell to people willing to run one of the top three earning teams (Yanks, Red Sox, Mets) like it deserves to be run. The Wilpons may be nice men, but you can't tread water in the deep end of this pool. You either swim or get out.

All these Mets want is your money. But they do not deserve your cash or your respect until they prove worthy of it.

Nick Snake-ban

I just heard Nick Saban snap at the media during a press conference, talking about how he isn't concerned about winning a national title, he just wants his team to play "its best football." He added, with a nasty edge in his voice, that he wishes the media wouldn't ask his team about winning the championship.

Who is he kidding? He wants reporters to ask his team about something other than the possibility of winning the title before they play in the title game? The "I'm going to act like a jerk to take pressure off my team" act is really old.

This guy really rubs me the wrong way. He takes himself way too seriously, and he just oozes slime. If you get a chance to watch Sportscenter tonight, look out for the clip from his press conference and tell me it doesn't make you mildly furious.

Texas vs. Alabama...wow. I'll be rooting against both.

Dear Fans...

Merry Christmas,

Daniel Snyder and The Washington Redskins

Oh, Fu#%

Time to go, Wade

Tonight is the night. Finally, it appears Wade Phillips finds himself one loss from ensuring his pink slip, and tonight's date with the unbeaten Saints provides the perfect exit strategy for Jerry Jones. Cowboys lose, Giants swoop in and steal the last playoff spot. I can picture it now. Wade may as well be standing on the trap door.

Jones' finger has been firmly resting against the button ever since Phillips came to Texas. He hired Jason Garrett as a de facto coach-in-waiting when he brought Phillips in, but Mr. Botox seems to have soured on Garrett since. Still, the offensive coordinator plays the Bruce Gradkowski to Phillips' JaMarcus Russell, the superior option. But what kind of business model is this? A model of imminent failure, that's what.

Not surprisingly, Jones behaves like the Cowboys are the Yankees, a team destined to compete for a championship every year. Instead, Dallas last won a playoff game with Troy Aikman under center, making Jones' expectations laughable at best, delusional at worst.

Now, trust me, Phillips is awful. But the Cowboys have been beset by problems every season dating back to before Bill Parcells. Their lack of mettle reflects poorly on superstar QB Tony Romo, a Jay Cutler-level flake without the babes. Romo piles up yards in Garrett's offense, lobbing the ball to wide open receivers crossing the middle of the field. But the Cowboys are front-runners. Their offensive line (Marc Columbo) is banged up. Their running game flops every second half. They simply can't play from ahead.

On defense, Jones' collection of big-name, no-game defensive backs has cost the Cowboys for years. Finally, Roy Williams was jettisoned. Too bad they kept the other one.

Now DeMarcus Ware may miss tonight's game. He's their best player, but the Cowboys won't touch Drew Brees anyway. It would require exactly the type of grit, fight and physicality this team lacks every year, this one included.

Frankly, I can't wait for tonight. Phillips' boys will flop, the local and national Cowboy-loving media will pin yet another December loss at his feet and Jones, once Dallas misses the playoffs, will drop the ax. So predictable, so typical. Really, the fault should fall on Romo, the players and the unrealistic culture in Dallas. Big stadium, big money, big dreams — small results.

Blame Wade. Bring in some new eight-figure clown to put you over the top.

Then watch the top stretch even further out of reach.

The worst sports villains ever

I love top 5 and 10 lists, and earlier today I came up with an idea - the top 10 most evil sports figures. Obviously I wasn't alive when some of these people were around, so some of this is based on reputation. I also tried to include only athletes who were/are at least fairly well-known. Here we go:

10. Roger Clemens - What a snake. Anyone who follows baseball at all knows he did steroids, but more than that, how could he throw his wife under the bus during in front of Congress to save his own neck? In addition, he's an unabashed head-hunter and may have very well slept with a 15-year-old girl.

9. Ty Cobb - Unapologetic racist who used to sharpen his spikes in plain view in order to better cut up opponents.

8. Marge Schott - Former Cincinnati Reds owner kept a swastika armband in her house and referred to some of her black players as million-dollar n***ers. A fan of Hitler, Schott was upset when umpire John McSherry collapsed on the field and later died on opening day,because the umpires had the gall to postpone the game.

7. Lawrence Phillips - Former Nebraska standout assaulted his girlfriend in college, but he wasn't nearly done. In '05, Phillips ran his car into three teenagers after a dispute and was eventually convicted on seven counts of assault with a deadly weapon.

6. Pacman Jones - Spitting on and hitting women are just the start. The Las Vegas shooting case Jones was involved in led to one man being paralyzed.

5. Ugueth Urbina - Urbina went after workers on his farm - with a machete - because he believed they stole a gun from his house. A machete.

4. Mel Hall - The former Yankee outfielder was convicted of having sex with several minors and is serving 45 years in prison. Rot away, Mel.

3. Mike Danton - I didn't know much about about this former member of the St. Louis Blues until I did a little research for this post. He tried to have his agent murdered. Enough said.

2. Rae Carruth - Arranged a drive-by shooting of a woman pregnant with his child. Only one guy could top this...

1. O.J. Simpson - We all know he stabbed two people to death, one of whom had young children sleeping upstairs while Simpson was murdering her. He then committed a robbery at gunpoint which finally landed him where he always belonged - prison. He also pleaded no contest to a domestic violence charge in 1989. Good guy.

Don't get crazy

After listening to New York media over the past few days I have to say, the Roy Halladay trade to the Phillies is being blown a little out of proportion.

Halladay is a terrific pitcher, no doubt. But in case anyone missed the World Series this year (or the last two regular seasons), Cliff Lee doesn't exactly stink. Halladay is better, but I heard someone say on the radio today that he will make the Phillies seven games better this year, and I don't see it.

As a Mets fan, I'm not crazy about the idea of Halladay to Philadelphia, but it's not the end of the world either, because Lee is gone. (The Mets themselves are another story. I don't know what the plan is, but right now I could argue they're the fourth best team in the division).

Had Halladay been dealt to the Phils and Lee had stayed put, I would have made the Phillies the favorite to win the title next year over even the Yankees. But that isn't what happened.

Just plain sad

This isn't a rip, I just wanted to say a few quick words about Chris Henry. It's a sad, sad thing that the Bengals WR is fighting for his life after finally seeming to put his demons in the past.

If Henry doesn't come through this incident, he'll leave three children he was raising behind, and that's awful. As someone who had a close family member go through a life-threatening car accident I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

This may be an incident that could have happened to anybody. I have no idea. But I can't help but think, once again, that some athletes, especially football players, just don't place enough importance on their own health and well-being.

Peter King: "Struggling" to understand good football

Peter King, the senior football scribe of SI.com, is at it again. Mr. Starbucks stuck yet another dagger into the side of Giants quarterback Eli Manning.

If you read King's legendary and prolific Monday Morning Quarterback, you know it's among the best reads in football journalism. King routinely culls quotes from key players while sitting in his 30 Rock "Sunday Night Football in America" pad and has first-hand word from them in MMQB. He also watches a ton of football, and has a very strong take on all things NFL.

Make that all things but one.

King has routinely peppered insults at the younger Manning, treating him different than big bro Peyton. Today came another. King said "you don't give a struggling quarterback like Eli Manning a 391-yard night" in Tuesday edition of MMQB.

Puke time.

I'll admit, overall King's Eli opinions are often justified. Brother Peyton may be the greatest QB ever. Eli probably ranks somewhere in the second half of the top 10 in today's NFL at the very best. There's no comparison, and Eli looks second-rate by comparison.

But just like the rest of the talking heads (Aikman, Moose, I'm looking at you "guys"), King still slays Eli like that centaur A-Rod does enemy horses, er...I mean, middling relievers. In 2009, this is lazy reporting from one of the hardest working men in sports journalism.

As a Giants fan, Manning bashing is the norm. No matter how well Eli plays over the course of a game, announcers and writers talk about one inaccurate pass or one wounded duck. A friend who will remain nameless (Buckner) believes Manning played poorly on the final drive of Super Bowl XVII. Buckner, like Bill Simmons, pointed to the dropped interception by Asante Samuel. Hello, guys? Do you not remember the "Tuck Game?" Without that call, Tom Brady is not Tom Brady. He's bagging B-level actresses, not Giselle. But these lucky plays happen. They change history. We choose to look at the body of work (i.e. the entire game-winning drive) and judge him on that. Bottom line: He rocked, the Giants won. Move on.

I will admit: Eli is NOT accurate. But even the most honed-in are not forever perfect. Brady has been downright awful at times this year. I'm still waiting for people to pick apart his game on a weekly basis. Tick, tick, tick...

While I wait, here's the difference with King: Most major media personalities are complete blowhards unable to admit a mistake; he's largely an open-minded man. Sure, King has his man-crushes on Brett Favre, Mike Tomlin, Tony Romo, etc., but he typically changes his opinion if so provoked, altering it if a player's performance proves worthy.

So these days I find it truly remarkable that SI's top football evaluator has missed the steady ascension of the QB on the biggest team in the league's No. 1 market. It is completely inexcusable.

Peyton Manning played through pain after a risky knee surgery last preseason. King praised his season, and chronicled Manning's recovery in detail in his book. Likewise, Eli has played much of this season with plantar fascia. The injury to his foot caused him to overcompensate, and led to a stress reaction that reportedly causes even more pain. Here's a story from the Star-Ledger's excellent reporter Mike Garafolo.

I imagine King has read these reports. I imagine he can put two and two together and realize Manning's injury coincided with a terrible three-game stretch. And I imagine he's a cagey football evaluator who realizes an offensive line that has declined faster than Tiger Woods' rep and a putrid D have hurt Manning over the Saints-Eagles-Cardinals fiasco-of-a-stretch.

I guess not. King wrote this week the Eagles' D had to generate more of a pass rush. They picked up three sacks and had a fourth before Manning shoveled a pass out of trouble. That's not a middling pass rush. Sorry, guy.

But I digress. ... If you throw those three stinkers out, Manning has posted a quarterback rating of 88.9 and above in all but one game. That's nine out of 10, and, to be fair, nine out of 13 for the year. Include them all and Eli has posted a career-high rating of 93. He's a cinch to finish with the best numbers of his career.

Some won't trust QB rating, which is fine. So let's compare these two seasons:

Season 1: 4,002 yards, 68.1 completion percentage, 7.2 yards/att., 27 TD, 12 INT

Season 2: 4,081 yards, 60.4 completion percentage, 7.95 yards/att., 28 TD, 14 INT

So which season is better? Can you even tell? Does King watch football?

OK, enough rips. Let's get to the facts: The first season is Peyton Manning, circa 2008, a year he won MVP. The second are the projected totals of a "struggling" Eli Manning in 2009, as he tries to lead the Giants, who can't run, block or play defense, to the playoffs.

In any final analysis, the younger Manning clearly is not struggling. Yes, "struggle" was just one little word on SI.com today, but enough is enough.

If you want to bash Eli, wait until the future. Another day, another year, will provide you and your boys enough fodder. But please watch the Giants this season before writing another word about them.

Bush is no longer president. The Sopranos is over. You live in Boston, not Jersey.

No, Pete, it's not 2006 anymore.

Rips from around the league

I got so caught up in the early games last week that I ripped a few people and then neglected to write this post in full. But, I'm back.


Philadelphia 45, NY Giants 38: What is there to say? The Giants have absolutely no defense. Eli Manning played a nearly flawless game and the G-men still didn't have enough.

New Orleans 26, Atlanta 23: Crazy, crazy fake FG by Sean Payton late in this game, but it doesn't come back to haunt his team as the Saints squeak by to stay unbeaten.

Green Bay 21, Chicago 14: Jay Cutler has now thrown more picks than any Bears QB since 1949, and there are still three games to go. Ouch.

Indianapolis 28, Denver 16: Peyton Manning actually let the Broncs back into this one with three picks in the second half. Then he remembered he was Peyton Manning, threw his fourth TD of the day and went home a winner.

Buffalo 16, Kansas City 10: Wow, what a completely uninteresting game.

Minnesota 30, Cincinnati 10: All my friends who are Favre fans are ripping me for rooting against him this year. No matter. I'm still waiting for that crushing interception he's bound to throw at some point in the playoffs.

New England 20, Carolina 10: A win for the Pats, but New England doesn't look good, especially Tom Brady.

NY Jets 26, Tampa Bay 3: Jets have made a nice recovery to put some meaning back in their season. Tampa Bay QB Josh Freeman put up a 12.1 passer rating on the strength of 93 yards and three picks. Right now the Bucs are the worst team in football.

Baltimore 48, Detroit 3: Did I just say the Bucs are the worst team in football? Let's give the Lions their due and call it a tie.

Washington 34, Oakland 13: An injury to Bruce Gradkowski forced JaMarcus Russell to enter the game. Expected results followed.

Miami 14, Jacksonville 10: Boring game, good win for the fins.

Houston 34, Seattle 7: Andre Johnson had almost 200 yards receiving and two TDs...in the first half. Nice job Seahawks.

Tennessee 47, St. Louis 7: At this point both the Giants and Steve Spagnuolo might be better off with Spags as Big Blue's defensive coordinator.

San Diego 20, Dallas 17: Does any team in sports have less guts than the Cowboys? That was rhetorical. The answer is no.

The Rod Marinelli League

I posed this question to W.F. Skinner on Thursday night:

Who is the second-best coach in the NFL? (Obviously Belichick is first.)

He was stumped. Jeff Fisher? Yawn. Tom Coughlin? He's alright. Andy Reid? Somehow I don't think Johnny K. Woo would think so. Mike Tomlin? His team has lost five straight, including the last two to the Raiders and Browns.

At this point, Sean Payton would probably be the popular choice.

My choice for the second-best coach...Tony Sparano...and I ripped him earlier this year. He's mentally challenged regarding two-point conversions. But at least I can say for sure he knows how to get the most out of his talent.

I'm not suggesting that Herm Edwards should be getting his resume updated, but my god, the current crop of NFL coaches are just absolutely awful.

They go by the names Zorn, Phillips, Cable and Mangini. And the list goes on.

Cowher, Shanahan, Gruden, Holmgren...HURRY BACK! The NFL needs you.

And of course, this legend is still out there...don't think he isn't thinking about it. Early prediction, he'll be leading the Texans to the Super Bowl next season.

Jeff, come back to us

I always liked Jeff Van Gundy. He was an underdog, a diminutive guy in a sport of giants, and I thought he did a good job coaching the Knicks.

But the longer he's on the air the crazier he sounds. Here are some of his recent gems:

- Last year he said he'd rank Tracy McGrady as the second best two-guard in the league, behind Kobe and ahead of Wade.

Oh, where to begin. Dwayne Wade might have been the best player on the U.S. team in last summer's Olympics. Wade carried a team to a final four. He carried a team to an NBA title. McGrady has done none of those things. He did once say that he was happy to finally be in the second round of the playoffs during a seven game series his team led 3-1.

McGrady still has never won a playoff series. Dagger.

Van Gundy also said LeBron should go to L.A. and play for the league minimum so that he can win a title with Kobe. Again, so lost it's scary. First, why would LeBron give up tens of millions? I'd like to see Van Gundy do that. Second, great players and competitors in their primes usually don't take the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" approach. That doesn't do wonders for your legacy.

Van Gundy said Steve Nash should win the MVP this year. He said the NBA should do away with fouling out. Tonight he suggested Rashard Lewis take himself out of a game after he missed three consecutive shots.

I don't think Van Gundy is a stupid guy (I've been wrong before), so my best guess is that he's trying to be edgy and different.

Unfortunately, all he's being is an idiot.

Can't leave well enough alone

Jerry Jones has a bad habit. He seems to like to meddle at the worst possible times, and now, he's done it again.

Remember when Jones left tickets to NFC championship game in his players' lockers before the Cowboys and Giants met in the divisional round two years ago?

Now Jones is publicly questioning his staff's use of Marion Barber. Maybe I'm missing something, but what could possibly be gained here? He owns the team, so if he really couldn't live with the way Barber is being used, all he'd have to do is tell Wade Phillips privately the exact role he wanted the back to play.

Publicly questioning Phillips only brings more heat on a guy who most people think will be gone at season's end, and it's certainly not going to help the team pull together amid the talk of its pathetic December record in recent years. Jones' comments serve absolutely no productive purpose.

Don't get me wrong - I love this. I hope Jones keeps this up all month and the Cowboys take a nose dive right out of the playoffs. But Jones should take a page out of George Steinbrenner's book. The Boss mellowed out in his later years running the Yankees, and lo and behold they started stacking up titles. Steinbrenner was still passionate and occasionally popped off, but he chose his spots better.

Jones should do the same, but man, I hope he doesn't.

The root of the problem

I usually make it my business to make sure there is something new up here every day, but it's taken me until now because I have the dagger of all daggers, a major toothache that will require a root canal tomorrow.

With the help of a fistful of Advil, however, I'm feeling well enough to rip Kerry Rhodes. The Jets safety is unhappy because his role isn't clearly defined right now. In reality the guy should be counting his lucky stars that the Jets haven't cut him - that's how badly he's played this season.

My fellow Rippers and I have all witnessed this guy shy away from contact, get trampled by running backs and make weak attempts to push guys out of bounds all season. It's so bad that you don't even have to look for it, his tentative play jumps out at you on replay.

So Kerry, until you get back to playing the way you did your first few years in the league, be quiet. You've been an embarrassment, the last thing you should be doing is drawing attention to yourself.

Schooling Tiger

The time has finally come for me to do the unthinkable. It's time for me to rip Tiger Woods.

Never did I ever imagine the day would arrive when I would have strong enough feelings to take a shot at my favorite sports figure of all-time. I also never thought I'd see the day when perhaps the most dominant athlete in the history of sports would be in the news more for the size of his, um, shaft, than for what he does with the golf clubs he wields on the course.

I'm sorry, Tiger. I love you, but you are officially an idiot.

Look, I've said for years that I think about 80% of professional athletes cheat on their wives. In no way am I saying that makes it okay, but it really is the ultimate don't-judge-someone-until-you're-in-that-situation situation there is.

It turns out, Tiger is an ordinary (bad) guy when it comes to going after women. Am I surprised? No. Am I surprised how stupid he was about it? Yes.

It's one thing to do this stuff when you're not married (See: Derek Jeter -- SI Sportsman of the Year and holy figure in New York despite his playboy ways), but once you tie the knot, the number of mistresses needs to go down. At least to single digits.

I mean seriously, how could Tiger think that not even one of his female playing partners would ever say anything about having slept with one of the most famous people in the history of the planet? Especially ones that were supposedly working for barely more than minimum wage at glorified Waffle Houses? As Tony G. Dagger mentioned previously, there are a lot of money-grubbing hoes out there. I guess Tiger's Stanford education didn't cover him that.

Tiger's buddy, Michael Jordan, couldn't give him a few pointers on sneaking around? Like have a separate, secret phone for dealing with side-pieces. Or don't actually call yourself and leave an embarrassing/incriminating voicemail. How stupid can you be? You could have afforded to pay a different person to handle each of your mistresses. Police found $235 in your crashed SUV? That's like a couple pennies slipping out of my pocket and into the crack of my car-seat.

For nearly 15 years, this guy has been in the spotlight as much as any other athlete and the public hasn't seen one sloppy-drunk picture of him or even heard about a single speeding ticket. It appeared that either Woods was genuinely the "boring" person he categorized himself as or he was just as good as guarding his private life as he was at slingling a little white ball around the golf course.

Apparently, he wasn't being so careful this whole time. As a result, it was just a matter of time before some of this stuff started to come out. Like his stunning loss to Y.E. Yang at this year's PGA Championship, it was inevitable that Woods' off-the-course behavior would eventually be exposed. Yet somehow, Mr. Swoosh never saw it coming.

I'm sure it was tough for him to turn off the "playa" switch upon marriage and I'm sure he was super careful at first. But the more these guys get away with -- and when you're Tiger Woods you can probably do just about anything you want -- the more they think they are bulletproof.

Yes, his agent Mark Steinberg and whoever else is in charge of the Tiger Woods machine deserves blame for letting this get out of control. But unlike a lot of other athletes who have faced controversies, I thought Tiger was smart enough to never let it get to this point.

Wrong. Instead, the whole saga (Mysterious accident, multiple affair allegations, possible foul play, prescription drugs and alcohol, his mother-in-law being taken to the hospital days after) seems like a never-ending story. I half expect to wake up tomorrow and find out that he has gone missing after being abducted from his Orlando mansion by aliens.

Tiger, the seemingly indestructable force, has become the continuous butt of jokes around the world (Got to admit, Wanda Sykes had some pretty funny lines). How did Tiger's people let it come to this?! How did Tiger let it come to this?!

So please, Tiger, I'm begging you. Do Oprah, do 60 Minutes. Let us see you apologize for everything, let us see your vulnerable side. Provide us with some concrete answers about what happened that night with the Escalade escapade and a own up to the "transgressions" that are true.

If you're addicted to pain-killers or sex (What guy isn't?), tell us! It's the only way to make this mess go away and get this National Enquirer/TMZ (plenty to rip with those "media" outlets too) circus to stop. It's also the only way to possibly save your unparalleled global popularity.

Bill Clinton, the freaking President of the United States, cheated on his wife while in office. Brett "The Media Can't Get Enough Of Me" Favre was once addicted to pain-killers. Jordan's gambling problems, as well as his own infidelity, have been well documented. Kobe Bryant was accused of far worse, yet right now there are thousands of parents out there buying his jersey as a Christmas present from Santa.

Athletes have come back from far worse and sometimes their problems even draw sympathy and an increased fan base (Again, Kobe). Outside of an alledged double-murder (I'll never forget hearing that verdict while sitting in home economics class in 7th grade), and the recent bonehead handlings of being caught for cheating the sport and using steroids by Roger Clemens (Looks stupid for not admitting to it) and Mark McGwire (Looks pathetic for not saying anything), these guys usually recover.

For someone like Tiger, who has maintained that squeaky-clean image until this point, getting out of trouble should be about as difficult as a long bunker shot. It certainly won't be easy, but the best player in the world can pull it off.

If only he would get his head out of the sand.

Quick hitters...

And by "hitters" I mean rips. Here we go...

• Peter King picked Aaron Smith of the Steelers over Michael Strahan for his all-decade team. I mention the team Smith plays for because it's 50-50 on if you've heard of him. Strahan needs no introduction. King, on Twitter, said Smith "had to be on there" and that Strahan didn't play the whole decade. True dat, Pete. And in his meager eight-year run he managed more sacks, tackles, forced fumbles, interceptions and passes defended than Smith. And please don't tell me Strahan didn't eat up blockers. For that, consult the following: bank account, Umenyiora, Osi.

• Despite reports that the Brewers signed Randy Wolf for three years and anywhere between $27 and $31 million, Omar Minaya keeps putting logs on the fire, telling reporters the Mets are "still in" the Wolf sweepstakes. And get this, as of this afternoon, Minaya still wants to sign Wolf to a two-year deal, or one less than the Brewers have offered him.

Wait, let's get this straight. Someone offered Wolf a four-bedroom house, so Minaya wants him to take the two-bedroom condo instead? The Mets are a complete joke.

First thought: Why Wolf? He stinks. Just block out some time in May for elbow discomfort now. Second thought: If Minaya is not playing coy, he is wasting quality time at the winter meetings chasing a man who's already caught. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Anyway, Jon Heyman says their attempts were "fruitless." So is rooting for the Mets.

• Tiger: The story of a man who is rich, famous, wildly successful, and has absolutely no standards.

Don't be afraid to discriminate next time, guy.

• So the Tigers decided their best bet moving forward was to trade a 28-year-old center fielder coming off a 30-homer year who is two years removed from one of the best leadoff seasons in baseball history and a 26-year-old power righty who ranked among the best pitchers in the AL in '09? Sick rebuild, Dumb-rowski.

Maybe if their lucky Max Scherzer and Austin Jackson can develop into players as good as Edwin Jackson and Curtis Granderson. Maybe. So why risk it?

• Turns out the NFL fined Chad Ochocinco $30 G's for donning a sombrero on Sunday after he made a diving touchdown catch. Hmmm. What has Esteban done this year? Only personalize a soulless league with his personality, make people laugh and stay 100 percent off the police blotter. He entertains us again and the NFL flips him upside down and shakes him out.

This from a league that continues to employ criminals like Leonard Little and Donte Stallworth and cheats like Shawne Merriman and Luis Castillo.