Time to go, Wade

Tonight is the night. Finally, it appears Wade Phillips finds himself one loss from ensuring his pink slip, and tonight's date with the unbeaten Saints provides the perfect exit strategy for Jerry Jones. Cowboys lose, Giants swoop in and steal the last playoff spot. I can picture it now. Wade may as well be standing on the trap door.

Jones' finger has been firmly resting against the button ever since Phillips came to Texas. He hired Jason Garrett as a de facto coach-in-waiting when he brought Phillips in, but Mr. Botox seems to have soured on Garrett since. Still, the offensive coordinator plays the Bruce Gradkowski to Phillips' JaMarcus Russell, the superior option. But what kind of business model is this? A model of imminent failure, that's what.

Not surprisingly, Jones behaves like the Cowboys are the Yankees, a team destined to compete for a championship every year. Instead, Dallas last won a playoff game with Troy Aikman under center, making Jones' expectations laughable at best, delusional at worst.

Now, trust me, Phillips is awful. But the Cowboys have been beset by problems every season dating back to before Bill Parcells. Their lack of mettle reflects poorly on superstar QB Tony Romo, a Jay Cutler-level flake without the babes. Romo piles up yards in Garrett's offense, lobbing the ball to wide open receivers crossing the middle of the field. But the Cowboys are front-runners. Their offensive line (Marc Columbo) is banged up. Their running game flops every second half. They simply can't play from ahead.

On defense, Jones' collection of big-name, no-game defensive backs has cost the Cowboys for years. Finally, Roy Williams was jettisoned. Too bad they kept the other one.

Now DeMarcus Ware may miss tonight's game. He's their best player, but the Cowboys won't touch Drew Brees anyway. It would require exactly the type of grit, fight and physicality this team lacks every year, this one included.

Frankly, I can't wait for tonight. Phillips' boys will flop, the local and national Cowboy-loving media will pin yet another December loss at his feet and Jones, once Dallas misses the playoffs, will drop the ax. So predictable, so typical. Really, the fault should fall on Romo, the players and the unrealistic culture in Dallas. Big stadium, big money, big dreams — small results.

Blame Wade. Bring in some new eight-figure clown to put you over the top.

Then watch the top stretch even further out of reach.

Can't leave well enough alone

Jerry Jones has a bad habit. He seems to like to meddle at the worst possible times, and now, he's done it again.

Remember when Jones left tickets to NFC championship game in his players' lockers before the Cowboys and Giants met in the divisional round two years ago?

Now Jones is publicly questioning his staff's use of Marion Barber. Maybe I'm missing something, but what could possibly be gained here? He owns the team, so if he really couldn't live with the way Barber is being used, all he'd have to do is tell Wade Phillips privately the exact role he wanted the back to play.

Publicly questioning Phillips only brings more heat on a guy who most people think will be gone at season's end, and it's certainly not going to help the team pull together amid the talk of its pathetic December record in recent years. Jones' comments serve absolutely no productive purpose.

Don't get me wrong - I love this. I hope Jones keeps this up all month and the Cowboys take a nose dive right out of the playoffs. But Jones should take a page out of George Steinbrenner's book. The Boss mellowed out in his later years running the Yankees, and lo and behold they started stacking up titles. Steinbrenner was still passionate and occasionally popped off, but he chose his spots better.

Jones should do the same, but man, I hope he doesn't.

Warning: Don't watch HBO Dec. 8

Call the cable company. Tell them you need maintenance at 10 p.m. on Dec. 8. Trust me, you need the diversion.

I just watched the end of Manny Pacquiao's beat down of Miguel Cotto on HBO. Saw a commercial for Joe Buck Live, a.k.a. Vomit Fest Live. The ad included snapshots of Buck's guest list, which has included, among others, such honest, modest and likable figures as Curt Schilling, Jerry Jones, Michael Irvin, Joe Namath and Brett Favre.

Seriously, HBO? That's who we want to hear from?

A question: Were A-Rod, Terrell Owens and Isiah Thomas unavailable?

I'm not sure a more unpopular guy could host a show with a group of more unpopular athletes/blowhards (Jones). Probably, but only if Skip Carey had moderated the panel. Yuck.

My fav 5...people to hate

5. Tony Romo: Has anyone ever received more attention without winning a playoff game? Even the criminals, the overexposed and the egomaniacs like Michael Vick, Terrell Owens, Peyton and Eli Manning, Tom Brady, Jerry Jones, Bill Parcells, etc. have won something — most of them oodles of playoff games and Super Bowls, Vick included. So why has this Cowboy quarterback been cast as a star right alongside them? Because he dated a hot babe who was famous? Last time I checked, Giselle was neither ugly nor obscure.

Look, Romo has produced at the level of a top 10 regular season quarterback. Fair, but big whoop. Show his mug after an accomplishment, ESPN, not after a weekend in Cancun.

I also greatly dislike his face.

4. Chris Berman: Hey, I have a nickname there guy: Chris "STFU" Berman.

So please stay away from the U.S. Open and the MLB playoffs. They are legitimate events. And burn that stupid hat.

3. Joe Buck: Besides the fact that his cavernous cleft could sleep a family of four comfortably, Buck is a truly perplexing figure. Let's consider other sports broadcasters who have dominated the sports landscape over the last generation: Marv Albert (NBA/NFL), Bob Costas (MLB/NBA/Sunday Night Football/Olympics), Jim Nantz (NFL/PGA), and Al Michaels (Monday Night Football/MLB/NBA/Hockey). Those four men would consist of the sports broadcasting Mount Rushmore from the last 25 years.

So question: Who among this group does the vast majority of the American public actively despise? Their only faults are the following — Nantz is a little rehearsed, Costas a little smug, Michaels a little GPS (see Rip-tionary) on the rules, and Marv a little... well... promiscuous. But have we ever really hated them? No.

Personally, I find Buck detestable. Many agree. 

2. Isiah Thomas: Because anyone with his history of transgressions deserves nothing but a rip! He has, in rough order: bankrupt the CBA; destroyed the rosters of the Raptors and Pacers; decimated and humiliated the Knicks, all while sapping their fan base of whatever remained of its pride; sexually harassed a co-worker; possibly threw his daughter under the bus; and somehow came out smelling at least a little like a rose.

Seriously though, FIU hiring Isiah as its coach is the sports equivalent of giving Bernie Madoff a job as a stock broker if he was ever discharged from jail. 

And I think that's what why Zeke is so easy to hate. His punishments/banishments/disgrace-aments never last long. Ol' No. 11 woos more people than Ben Franklin in his prime.

1. Roger Clemens: Nothing repulses an honest sports fan more than someone who is: A) self-

obsessed; B) has no understanding of his current place in his sport (see: Iverson, Allen); and C) is a filthy liar. Clemens manages to combine A, B and C, and somehow still maintain enough in his deep reserve of gall to attach his wife's name to steroid use.

How crazy is Clemens? This crazy: I don't think the best way to dagger him is to keep him out of Cooperstown. Instead, here's my idea...

How about the voters select him. Then, on his big day in rural New York, with Debbie and the K-clan watching, they consistently mispronounce his name at the ceremony. Then, once the time comes, the Hall misspells his name on his plaque.

With someone so undeniably vain and deranged, nothing would sting him more.