What a Shock

Wow - Brett Favre is making a mess again. I'm stunned.

We've learned over the last few days that Favre has been in a little tiff with Brad Childress primarily over the control each has over the offense. Former teammate Leroy Butler called Favre a diva today as if that's some kind of breaking news.

It amazes me that Favre continues to get away with this stuff. He's become insufferable over the last few years between the fake retirements, throwing the Jets under the bus before this season and now this. He acts like he's Michael Jordan, and while I admit he's a great player and an obvious hall-of-famer, he's not on the Jordan level.

I'm sure people like Mr. Buckner will tell me how crazy I am, that Favre is the man. I'm sorry, but to me he's become a whiny jerk. Don't look now, but Minnesota, who many people thought was the best team in football a few weeks ago, has looked very average in recent weeks.

As Favre continues to be a distraction and his level of play declines late in the season as it has in recent years, I'll be looking forward to watching him ride out of the playoffs and into the sunset.

Until he un-retires again.

Schooling Tiger

The time has finally come for me to do the unthinkable. It's time for me to rip Tiger Woods.

Never did I ever imagine the day would arrive when I would have strong enough feelings to take a shot at my favorite sports figure of all-time. I also never thought I'd see the day when perhaps the most dominant athlete in the history of sports would be in the news more for the size of his, um, shaft, than for what he does with the golf clubs he wields on the course.

I'm sorry, Tiger. I love you, but you are officially an idiot.

Look, I've said for years that I think about 80% of professional athletes cheat on their wives. In no way am I saying that makes it okay, but it really is the ultimate don't-judge-someone-until-you're-in-that-situation situation there is.

It turns out, Tiger is an ordinary (bad) guy when it comes to going after women. Am I surprised? No. Am I surprised how stupid he was about it? Yes.

It's one thing to do this stuff when you're not married (See: Derek Jeter -- SI Sportsman of the Year and holy figure in New York despite his playboy ways), but once you tie the knot, the number of mistresses needs to go down. At least to single digits.

I mean seriously, how could Tiger think that not even one of his female playing partners would ever say anything about having slept with one of the most famous people in the history of the planet? Especially ones that were supposedly working for barely more than minimum wage at glorified Waffle Houses? As Tony G. Dagger mentioned previously, there are a lot of money-grubbing hoes out there. I guess Tiger's Stanford education didn't cover him that.

Tiger's buddy, Michael Jordan, couldn't give him a few pointers on sneaking around? Like have a separate, secret phone for dealing with side-pieces. Or don't actually call yourself and leave an embarrassing/incriminating voicemail. How stupid can you be? You could have afforded to pay a different person to handle each of your mistresses. Police found $235 in your crashed SUV? That's like a couple pennies slipping out of my pocket and into the crack of my car-seat.

For nearly 15 years, this guy has been in the spotlight as much as any other athlete and the public hasn't seen one sloppy-drunk picture of him or even heard about a single speeding ticket. It appeared that either Woods was genuinely the "boring" person he categorized himself as or he was just as good as guarding his private life as he was at slingling a little white ball around the golf course.

Apparently, he wasn't being so careful this whole time. As a result, it was just a matter of time before some of this stuff started to come out. Like his stunning loss to Y.E. Yang at this year's PGA Championship, it was inevitable that Woods' off-the-course behavior would eventually be exposed. Yet somehow, Mr. Swoosh never saw it coming.

I'm sure it was tough for him to turn off the "playa" switch upon marriage and I'm sure he was super careful at first. But the more these guys get away with -- and when you're Tiger Woods you can probably do just about anything you want -- the more they think they are bulletproof.

Yes, his agent Mark Steinberg and whoever else is in charge of the Tiger Woods machine deserves blame for letting this get out of control. But unlike a lot of other athletes who have faced controversies, I thought Tiger was smart enough to never let it get to this point.

Wrong. Instead, the whole saga (Mysterious accident, multiple affair allegations, possible foul play, prescription drugs and alcohol, his mother-in-law being taken to the hospital days after) seems like a never-ending story. I half expect to wake up tomorrow and find out that he has gone missing after being abducted from his Orlando mansion by aliens.

Tiger, the seemingly indestructable force, has become the continuous butt of jokes around the world (Got to admit, Wanda Sykes had some pretty funny lines). How did Tiger's people let it come to this?! How did Tiger let it come to this?!

So please, Tiger, I'm begging you. Do Oprah, do 60 Minutes. Let us see you apologize for everything, let us see your vulnerable side. Provide us with some concrete answers about what happened that night with the Escalade escapade and a own up to the "transgressions" that are true.

If you're addicted to pain-killers or sex (What guy isn't?), tell us! It's the only way to make this mess go away and get this National Enquirer/TMZ (plenty to rip with those "media" outlets too) circus to stop. It's also the only way to possibly save your unparalleled global popularity.

Bill Clinton, the freaking President of the United States, cheated on his wife while in office. Brett "The Media Can't Get Enough Of Me" Favre was once addicted to pain-killers. Jordan's gambling problems, as well as his own infidelity, have been well documented. Kobe Bryant was accused of far worse, yet right now there are thousands of parents out there buying his jersey as a Christmas present from Santa.

Athletes have come back from far worse and sometimes their problems even draw sympathy and an increased fan base (Again, Kobe). Outside of an alledged double-murder (I'll never forget hearing that verdict while sitting in home economics class in 7th grade), and the recent bonehead handlings of being caught for cheating the sport and using steroids by Roger Clemens (Looks stupid for not admitting to it) and Mark McGwire (Looks pathetic for not saying anything), these guys usually recover.

For someone like Tiger, who has maintained that squeaky-clean image until this point, getting out of trouble should be about as difficult as a long bunker shot. It certainly won't be easy, but the best player in the world can pull it off.

If only he would get his head out of the sand.

Thanks For Nothing

Thanksgiving is here again and for some reason the holiday turns everyone into a bunch of softies. In the world of journalism, this takes shape as a smorgasbord of lists and columns in which writers comment on what they're grateful for.

Look, I'm as appreciative of the things in my life as the next guy, but I'm drawing the line on all this mushy stuff. Instead, I present a list of 10 things, in no particular order, that I'm not thankful for as a sports fan:

1. The New York Knicks: My favorite team has been a complete disgrace for the past decade despite always having a bloated payroll. At least, noted saboteur Isiah Thomas is no longer in the mix.

2. Prevent defenses: For always seeming to cost teams games they have in hand, while costing me bets that I've made.

3. Brett Favre: The guy is a legend, but his tireless back-and-forth with retirement has wasted so much of my time.

4. Bad officiating: Why bother playing the games if some disgruntled ex-athlete is going to take matters into his own hands?

5. Backdoor covers: The biggest dagger in gambling since it never seems to go your way.

6. NASCAR: Get out.

7. Plaxico Burress: The talented wide receiver giveth and then he taketh away.

8. Early-morning tailgating: Yawn. The most overrated activity in sports. Wake me when the game starts.

9. Rained out games/rounds of golf: How's that "global warming is a myth" theory working out?

10. The majority of baseball announcers: The biggest collection of dinosaurs since the Jurassic Period.

Warning: Don't watch HBO Dec. 8

Call the cable company. Tell them you need maintenance at 10 p.m. on Dec. 8. Trust me, you need the diversion.

I just watched the end of Manny Pacquiao's beat down of Miguel Cotto on HBO. Saw a commercial for Joe Buck Live, a.k.a. Vomit Fest Live. The ad included snapshots of Buck's guest list, which has included, among others, such honest, modest and likable figures as Curt Schilling, Jerry Jones, Michael Irvin, Joe Namath and Brett Favre.

Seriously, HBO? That's who we want to hear from?

A question: Were A-Rod, Terrell Owens and Isiah Thomas unavailable?

I'm not sure a more unpopular guy could host a show with a group of more unpopular athletes/blowhards (Jones). Probably, but only if Skip Carey had moderated the panel. Yuck.

Rips from around the league

Sunday evening means we go ripping around the NFL.

Dallas 7, Washington 6:: The Redskins are worthless. They had a chance to do something great for humanity by beating Dallas today, and they blew it by letting the Cowboys get a late score.

Detroit 38, Cleveland 37: Only an Eric Mangini-led team could commit pass interference on a Hail Mary in the end zone with no time left, then give up a touchdown to lose on the next play. Wow.

Green Bay 30, San Francisco 24: That's five losses out of six games for the Niners. How long will Mike Singletary's pants stay on?

Minnesota 35, Seattle 9: This has to stop. There's no way I'm going to be able to deal with ESPN if Brett Favre gets to the Super Bowl.

Kansas City 27, Pittsburgh 24: Starting to look more and more like the Steelers just aren't that good.

New Orleans 38, Tampa Bay 7: The league should have stepped in here and made the Saints play 9 on 11. They still would have won, but it might have been competitive.

NY Giants 34, Atlanta 31: Terrible secondary defense by both teams, but after a rough start Eli plays one of the best games of his career.

Indianapolis 17, Baltimore 15: Keep pulling Ray Rice out of the game in favor of Willis McGahee on the goal line, Baltimore. Worked well today.

Jacksonville 18, Buffalo 15: Rare appearance by T.O. in this game, but not enough to get the Bills a win.

San Diego 32, Denver 3: The Broncos started the season 6-0. Since then they've lost four straight, getting outscored 117-37.

Arizona 21, St. Louis 13: The Rams blew some great chances and could have actually won this game. But they didn't, and that's why they're 1-9.

New England 31, NY Jets 14: Bill Belichick is a weird dude. The Pats threw a bomb to Randy Moss with 25 seconds left in the game in what I can only assume was an attempt to run up the score. Bill, no need to try to embarrass the Jets, Mark Sanchez is doing a fine job of that himself.

Oakland 20, Cincinnati 17: An early Christmas present for Raiders fans, courtesy of the Bengals' Andre Caldwell. Just when I started to believe in the Bengals for real, they pull a stunt like this. Same old, same old.