Slowed to a crawl

The Yankees have found a new way to annoy me. They have done everything possible to make these games painfully slow. Andy Pettitte throwing to first every other pitch, Jose Molina visiting A.J. Burnett at the mound 15 times in a game, everyone visiting CC Sabathia at every opportunity - anything goes.

As if baseball games weren't slow enough already. I love baseball, it's always been my favorite sport, but something needs to be done. Every year I hear the idea of keeping batters in the box between pitches discussed, and it never happens. I can play a round of golf in less time than it takes half of these games to be played.

Game 4 is in the bottom of the 7th inning, and on top of the Yankees being on the verge of taking complete command of the series, the game is three hours old already. You can bet it's not going to speed up in the last two innings as Girardi and Manuel start shuffling guys in from the bullpen. Yawn.

The Goat

I'm sorry, why is this Philly fan toting Ryan Howard along by leash through what appears to be a tailgating party?

Oops, my bad. That's not Howard, it only bears a strong resemblance to the Phillies' slugger, who has played like pure fecal matter so far this World Series. We're talking 1-for-8, seven-strikeouts bad. The Yankee pitchers have held Howard hitless since the first inning of Game 1. Ouch.

Howard has looked an awful lot like Pedro Cerrano the last two nights, slugging a fastball for a double but swinging roughly two feet over every curve. One at-bat in Game 2 A.J. Burnett threw Howard four straight curves. He K'd, en route to the ol' golden sombrero (right). 

As a Yankee hater, it pains me to watch one of the great sluggers of this era flop against them in this spot. Fans in the Bronx have no respect for players and team without "Red Sox" or "Angels" on their chests. In fact, most of these self-obsessed clowns actually believe Mark Teixeira is a better hitter than Howard, one of the baseball monsters of the last half century. I really hoped he'd put them in their place, stamping a few dents in the Komatsu sign in right field, miles past that Little League wall.

Hat for bat? Rum for Jobu? Sacrifice a live chicken? Whatever it takes, Ry.

Making guys whiff with his mind

Despite the dinky Yankee Stadium HR he just surrendered to Hideki Matsui, Pedro Martinez is pitching a pretty damn good game in Game Two. Six innings, two solo homers allowed and eight strikeouts. Pedro has his changeup and curveball working wonderfully, yet Buck and McCarver keep insisting he's getting by on guts and intelligence. Apparently Einstein could have been a hell of a pitcher.

Pedro doesn't throw 96 anymore, but his off-speed stuff can still be devastating. You don't strike out eight guys in a potent Yankee lineup on guile. It's ridiculous and I wish people would stop saying it. It's not like Pedro is nibbling at corners and hoping for groundballs. Pedro throws 89 instead of 96, so now he's 'outsmarting' the Yankees? Idiotic.

W.F. Slinger chimes in again, letting Buck and McCarver know what a wonderful job they did last night.


Random Rips From Game 1:

I loved it every time Fox panned its cameras over to show Charlie Manuel during last night's game as if he had anything to do with what was happening on the field. I mean seriously, is there a more overpaid job in the world than managing a good baseball team?

Wow, Charlie, did you really decide to go with Cliff Lee as your starter in Game 1? How did you ever think of that? And good job leaning up against the rail while your ace pitched an absolute gem. I could tell your close paying attention to the situation was really what made Lee rack up all those strikeouts.

And that lineup. Like Joe Girardi, you must really struggle with decisions like whether or not to pencil in hitters like Chase Utley and Ryan Howard. Any semi-coherent fan, even one from Philadelphia, could do your "job" and enjoy front row seats while doing it.

Sorry to pick on you old-timer, but you're in the spotlight and you're the one who is going to receive a massive amount of undeserved credit on top of the already undeserved piles of cash you've already pocketed. Baseball managers -- what a joke...

Speaking of jokes, how about those clowns, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver, in the booth? I've spent years bashing McCarver, but it's taken me longer to get to Buck, which probably stems from me having a soft spot in my heart for his "back to the track, to the wall, we are tied" call off Jim Leyritz's legendary home run in game four of the 1996 World Series.

Regardless, the gloves are off now. The guy is cornier than Jim Nantz, more predictable than Joe Morgan (okay, so that might be a bit of a stretch), dumber than Michael Kay and almost as obnoxious as Dick Vitale. Sadly enough, he's twice as good as Fox's No. 2 man, Thom Brennaman. At least we don't have to suffer through Chip Caray I guess.

Somehow Buck (I wonder why) has ascended to such prominence that HBO gave him his own show, Joe Buck Live. Talk about brutal, especially when he does what appears to be a bit of a stand-up routine.

I haven't seen such awkwardness since Mike Lupica attempted the same thing many years ago on his own show that lasted about two days. Even the deeply troubled Stephon Marbury looked more comfortable interviewing of all people, Vijay Singh, on his ill-fated 2007 talk-show/disaster, "Stars on Stars."

The best thing about Buck announcing baseball? It means I won't have to listen to him doing football this week.